I couldnt think of anywhere else to go to talk about this so here I am. My love is with another woman yet again. 6 years I have waited, hoping that he would finally see me. He loves me....I know he does but he just doesnt want to be with me. It hurts so much but at the same time ,,through the tears,,,there is a numb feeling that doesnt hurt that bad. Maybe I am getting better...maybe I am accepting that it is never going to happen no matter how much I wish it were different. I just got back from visiting him and things were so sweet and special. I didnt feel an overwhelming amount of emotion though. It was hard to leave...it was hard to be told again that I was not what he wanted...I guess I am just used to it. I have been disappointed for 6 damn years hoping...me never letting go of hope...it was what I held on to thinking that if I was sweet enough, smart enough, pretty enough...none of it mattered to him. He wants me in his life...he wants my friendship terribly but he doesnt want me....how do you accept that?? How do you accept that you are undesirable?? How do accept that and not feel completely flawed in every other area of your life. I dont feel worthy enough for a guy like him. I deserve to be happy but I dont know if I am meant to do it alone or not. After all these years I think I am.....but I dont want to be. I want that feeling of true love...being with someone who thinks I am amazing in every way...what have I dont to keep that away from my life?? IS it me or have I been destined to be alone from the very start?? I have never had lucj with men. My ex husband abused me terribly...Jon left me and I have been chasing him ever since...the worst part is that he let me......6 years we went back and forth. He would want me for a minute and we would try and then he would just walk away....I cnt tell you how many times he did that and every time he walked away he was with someone new within a month....now when we are not together and single for a year at a time he meets no one...but the minute we try he finds someone else......What does that mean anyway??