I have shared a bit about my TV boyfriend over the last couple of months but I am really starting to get worried that I have crossed the line into the obsessive fan zone.

I dont know if I shared the fact that my TV boyfriend and I have been sharing emails for the last month or so. It started out harmless enough. Some casual flirting on my end followed by some I am flattered emails. One afternoon I sent him a mail and told him that some of my friends and I wanted to make him a fan page for all the women who had jumped on the CJ love bus. Again, he was flattered and wanted us to do it......So off we went........

Once the page was up we got tons of response from women who were just as infatuated with CJ as we were. It was fun for about the first 20 minutes and then I realized that I must look like a completely obsessed fan and that was certainly not the image I want to portray. I told CJ that I was getting alot fo mail from women who thought I was him and I was tired of constantly writing everyone back saying I wasnt. I told him that I was getting uncomfy with the whole thing which he understood.

We talked through mail yesterday and I told him that I wanted to close the page and that I would just help him fix his page up.

Now, I know I have flirted shamelessly to a certain extent but we have had some really nice conversations about some things. We have talked as friends and I would like to think that he sees the difference between what I have been doing and my thoughts of him in an obsessive fan kind of way.

Yesterday he gave me his phone number and personal email address and why he did that I have no idea. Like I am actually going to call him...LOL...I definitely wouldnt know what to say!!

Anyway, Here I am with his phone number, which he surely didnt have to give me., and I really dont know why he did. Does it mean he wants me to call him?? I have no freaking idea.

I have recognized that since we have been talking that I have gotten a little obsessive in my thinking. Making the fan page was what took me over the top. At this point I dont know how I would feel if someone did that for me. I know he is flattered and he has said how kewl it is a million times but I wanted to be viewed like a real person not an obsessive fan.............

CJ has been the direct catalyst in helping me to let go of Jon. He helped me realize that I could be attracted to someone else, that I could find someone physically attractive again and that I didnt need Jon to make me complete.

Between my crush on CJ and my step work, I have been able to move on to a certain extent. Friday, Jon and I talked alot about his new girlfriend and at the time It didnt bother me but then when I started to visualize some of the things I got sick and very angry.....

So what did I do, I put more focus on Ceej. I know I will never meet this guy. He is 5 years younger than I am and gorgeous. He could have anyone he wants at this point after the show. He is a TV personality and he has alot of fans but why give me all his private information. Why his phone number when I never ever asked for anything like that.......What do you all think??

Namaste~