Somehow I knew...somehow even though I said it wasnt going to happen a part of knew he would reach out to me. It wasnt a mail that said I miss being your friend or I miss you in my life. It said I sent you a present for your birthday. Would you do that?? If someone said we cannot speak again...would you mail them a gift on their birthday?? I know I am the type of person who would. It all goes back to that being personal stuff. We start out and we dont make it personal but Nerd and I were personal.

I cant take anything from it........If he said Elyse I miss you in my life then I would reach out again but I am not going to get that so I am not going to do that. I did write him and said thank you. I did say I miss you but I also said it is easier to not be a part of his life when I know that I made things so difficult because I couldnt let go.

I struggle everyday and it is hard when time passes to remember the bad stuff. You remember the love and the care that you got. NOw here is more care in a gift. I know it will be a book. The only reason I am getting it is because he already got it for me before We said good bye.

It is what it is and that is it but it sure makes me think about him alot. Its my birthday today and I want to sleep for a long time. Its 5 Pm and I am going to bed now for a while...........

I am flat and tired and I want something sweet!!!

Namaste!